"Lord, help me to hold onto you during such a time of waiting that I have never endured before."
The statement above is my prayer for the last couple of days. I don't know what is hurting me more, this season of waiting and not knowing what the future holds or the feeling that I'm not strong enough to trust God to take care of me. I believe it is the latter. The sense that I'm letting my heavenly Father down. The perception that I'm not a shining light to others as I enter another dark phase of my life scares me more than a life of poverty that my mind is envisioning for me.
As I type this, God seems to be revealing that I have faith to trust Him to help me hold on to him. When I'm slipping away, I'm asking him to keep his hand tight around mine until I'm strong enough to grip his hand back. I do believe God is holding onto me now when I'm finding it difficult to hold onto Him. This belief that He can hold onto me takes faith. As the Bible states, "if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you." (Matthew 17:20)
God led me to a blog today and as the blog mentions:
"One of the hardest challenges of the Christian walk is waiting for God to answer our prayers when we urgently need him to intervene in a circumstance that is breaking our heart, testing our faith, and robbing us of peace and joy."
If we reach a stage where we feel God doesn't care, or maybe that God doesn't exist, we need to remember those are feelings and not reality. These feelings are where the enemy tries to trick us into relying on ourselves and possibly others around us instead of Him. It is a stretching of our faith. It may be painful, but in the end, the reward will be greater than we can imagine.
Here is a link to the blog mentioned above should you want further encouragement:
Remember, it's ok to be weak as long as we continue to lean on Christ and not choose to abandon Him. Christ doesn't abandon us, we are the ones that may choose to abandon him.
"I thank you Lord, for continuing to hold onto me. I pray that you will use this time in my life to encourage others to hold onto you too even if it's by a thread. "